Somebody call the food police.
Committing identity fraud against chocolate chips.
You think this is chocolate chip? You've never been more tragically wrong in your life.
Trespassing in cinnamon bread.
This is private, delicious bread property. Get out.
Harassing peanut butter and celery.
Is this some kind of sick joke? You leave them alone!
Public ice cream intoxication.
Raisins, are you drunk right now? On rum?